Author Archives: valencia68

About valencia68

With gratitude, I openly play and learn in the diverse waters of creativity and connection.
August 22, 2014

The Promises, not the Problems

By valencia68

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light – Aristotle Onassis

The past few weeks have been some of the most interesting times of recent memory.  I departed the US on a high with enough fire in the belly to believe I could boil an ocean.  As I travelled abroad, although the oceans stayed below 212 degrees, I set every beach ablaze I encountered.  I took every opportunity I had to spread the good news in capital cities and remote villages.  However, over the days my body and mind grew tired even though I thought my faith was strong.

You see, through it all I maintained a mindset that the things that were coming at me were bricks not bullets and therefore would not hurt me.  My armor plates of faith and courage were on.  Nothing could penetrate; not the intensity or diversity of my work, the miles travelled, the short adjustment periods, the domestic issues, the death of a matriarch, or the health concerns.  Brick…by…brick, each issue fell in front of me.  Each one lay beside another across the road, then stacking one on top of another building a thick barrier that I mistook as a thin sheet. Without regard for what it really was or appeared to be, the best way to survive an ambush is to continue driving through it.  So I floored it, gaining speed in hopes that momentum would carry me through if all else failed.  The acceleration quickly slowed and eventually I came to a rest.  I was so intent on making it through that I crashed into the backstop on the other side of what I thought was the finish line.  When I returned state side, I realized I had hit a wall.  My only prayer in the moment was from Psalms 16 1 Protect me, God, for the only safety I know is found in the moments I seek You.  2 I told You, Eternal One, “You are my Lord, for the only good I know in this world is found in You alone.”

Feeling tried and extremely overwhelmed, the bricks just continued to pile up.  The wall grew higher and higher.  Day after day, my heart grew more and more heavy and weary.  With every step I took, I prayed “be with me Lord!”  Yet with each passing moment, I felt more and more alone.  Last night, I finally buckled under the pressure, fell to my knees, and in full surrender I cried out.  God then held me close and said, “This is the way you stand the tallest and the strongest – when you are most dependent on me!  Yes I built you to be resilient and gave you a spirit of courage but it is wholly contingent upon the two of us walking in lock step.  The moment you begin to operate independent of me, you lose your armor and you don’t even realize when it is slipping off.  I am with you and always have been.  Look back and see the single set of footprints.  You are the only one who was somehow lulled into thinking they were yours.  Listen!  With great championships comes great adversity.  But my people stand tall.  Now dry your eyes and straighten up your posture.  Look in My word to locate your faith and let’s go together to find your courage because evil is powerless only when the good are unafraid.  Remember your name and remember that I have never reneged, not even once.  We can solve these things together if you are willing to look to Me first.”  Suddenly my heart broke out into song, You stood before creation, eternity in your hand.  You spoke the earth into motion, my soul now to stand.  So what could I say and what could I do?  But offer this heart, Oh God, completely to you.  So I’ll walk upon salvation, Your spirit alive in me.  This life to declare Your promise, my soul now to stand.  I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all.  I’ll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered.  All I am is yours.  Hillsong United – The Stand

At that point, the wall came tumbling down.  I drifted off to sleep in thanksgiving.    Psalms 16 continues with 3 The beauty of faith-filled people encompasses me.  They are true, and my heart is thrilled beyond measure.  4 All the while the despair of many, who abandoned Your goodness for the empty promises of false gods, increases day by day.  I refuse to pour out blood offerings, to utter their names from my lips.  5 You, Eternal One, are my sustenance and my life-giving cup.  In that cup, You hold my future and my eternal riches.  6 My home is surrounded in beauty; You have gifted me with abundance and a rich legacy.  7 I will bless the Eternal, whose wise teaching orchestrates my days and centers my mind at night.  8 He is ever present with me; at all times He goes before me.  I will not live in fear or abandon my calling because He stands at my right hand.  9 This is a good life—my heart is glad, my soul is full of joy, and my body is at rest.  Who could want for more?  10 You will not abandon me to experience death and the grave or leave me to rot alone.  11 Instead, You direct me on the path that leads to a beautiful life.  As I walk with You, the pleasures are never-ending, and I know true joy and contentment.  The Voice

The first thought on my mind this morning was this: The anguish I had felt all week long was finally relieved.  Whatever I will face moving forward is with Him on my side. Imagine the possibilities if we were willing to live our lives with the constant knowledge that we have the full faith and backing of our God.  The possibilities would be endless.  We would openly and willingly tame the tiger of racism, close hunger’s hippo-size jaws of death, eradicate the venom of domestic violence, etc.  There would be no fear in the alley after dusk because we would know the truth – that what is in the dark also appears in the light.  Love would fill our hearts, houses and homeland.  Our focus would forever be on His promises and not our problems because we would understand the He is bigger than any hurdle we could ever encounter.  Oh what an awesome God we serve who loves and cares for the sheep He shepherds no matter how often or far they wander!

Dear God, as I walk through this day called today, may I align my sights on You to keep Your perspective as the way I see things.  I am grateful for the energy and strength You have given me, but may I be constantly reminded of their source.  Thank You for returning my spirit of courage to me, as we both know I had lost my way.  I know these current battles will be tough but I also know You are with me and will always remain by my side, carrying me when I don’t have the strength to continue on.  You alone have the solutions, oh mighty God, and will resolve the issues in Your time.  Thank You for the rain and the joy that follows.  Amen

Bring me joy, bring me peace.  Bring the chance to be free.  Bring me anything that brings You glory.  And I know there’ll be days when this life brings me pain.  But if that’s what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain.  MercyMe – Bring the Rain.  Vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity and innovation.  You can have comfort or courage but you can’t have both. – Brene Brown

9 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in essay

August 5, 2014

A Road Less Traveled

By valencia68

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders; let me walk upon the waters wherever you may call me.” – Oceans by Hillsong United

At the beginning of the year, I made a commitment to have a quarterly spiritual recharge.  For me, that means taking a weekend every few months to come together with women in His name.  For two days, in an extremely intimate and God-honoring way, we shuck our normal rituals, pray together, love each other, learn the word, and lean into Him.  Last weekend, I had the privilege of spending two days at the Women of Faith conference.

Leading up to the respite, I had traveled half way around the world and back, with only one day off before entering a four-day trial-like hearing that ended only sixteen hours before the start of the conference.  Needless to say, I deeply contemplated giving away my ticket and just going to bed for two days.  However, in an act of obedience, I followed the spirit’s guidance.  He urged me to go because He said there would be something there I desperately needed.  The Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth—Jehovah is his name—says this: Ask me and I will tell you some remarkable secrets about what is going to happen here.  Jeremiah 33:2-3 (TLB)

I walked through the doors emotionally drained, morally bankrupt, severely jet-lagged, and exhausted beyond belief.  The evening was filled with music, spiritual comedy, and hard lessons to swallow.  It didn’t take long before the messages began to penetrate my rugged exterior.  Sheila Walsh started it off with a talk about the storms of life that wash up things that have been buried for a long time.  Things such as shame, guilt, anger, insecurity, disappointment, and un-forgiveness are items that we bury and are sometimes dredged up from the depths during tumultuous times.  Ouch!  What’s that?  Oh yeah, the sting of conviction.  You see, the lightening of a dying relative, the thunder of another dissipating relationship, the gale force wind of extreme travel, the rain of my second adolescence and flood of emotions attached to my emptying nest – has created this large and slow-moving storm in my life.  Recognition that I am in it is the first step to weathering through it though.  The bright side of the experience is that He has given me the strength to make it this far and He will continue to carry me through.  Sheila ended by reminding us to stay the course of faith, one that few follow.  It leads to the foot of the cross; the place where we lay our burdens down and find rest in Him.  She then sang Kim Walker’s song Spirit Break Out.  The chorus, “Spirit break out; break our walls down.  Spirit break out; heaven come down” resonated with me.

Feeling more bound and less free when I left the venue than when I entered it made my soul extremely unsettled.  The tightness constricted the four corners of my being and pushed against the callouses formed as protection around my heart.  The part of me that had been agitated by the snug seating in the arena, the part that was unwilling to be open and engaging with those around me in a loving way, the part that wondered how much I really had in common with the women next to me, and the part that questioned my decision to come at all – began to melt as the application of the salve of the spirit began to penetrate those once hardened areas.  Before I completed the walk across the parking lot to my car, there was a revelation that the real issue is that I was in PAIN.  With all that was going on in my life, instead of stopping the madness and sitting still for a moment to gain balance and perspective, I pressed on as though the distance would annihilate the emotion.  All along, I was feeling the Pressure of precision performance in my job, the Anger of abandonment by another friend, the Insecurity from the uncertainty of what my future holds, and Neglect of my spiritual needs.  With each step, one thing after another was tucked and buried as if I was moving it out of the way to prevent it from impeding my progress.  As a mentor once taught me, “that which you repress comes back to the party in another dress, just at a time and place not of your choosing.”  In that moment, I realized I was in the middle of a grand masquerade ball that I had not planned to attend.

After a few hours of sleep, I woke up and was unable to coax myself back into slumber.  I read a few scriptures and then began working through the issues from the previous evening.  My thoughts cascaded from feelings to spirit to flow to water.  It was then that I realized that my life is a living body much like a river.  You see, a river is a natural watercourse, usually freshwater, flowing towards an ocean, a lake, a sea, or another river.  In some rare cases a river can flow into the ground and dry up completely at the end of its course, without reaching another body of water.  A river begins at a source and ends at a mouth following a path called a course.  The term upstream refers to the direction towards the source of the river, i.e. against the direction of flow.  Likewise, the term downstream describes the direction towards the mouth of the river in which the current flows.

The river’s water moving along its course is analogous with life and its events that occur on this living journey.  Like the river, life has a beginning and an end.  They both also flow to and with other bodies, pushing the limits of their banks, in pursuit of something bigger that gives them real purpose.  They are driven by the current that moves quickly within them, continuously and forever changing their faces and spaces within the confines of the path in which they flow.

So frequently, we develop methods of dealing with issues that seem to be successful, such as containing them within narrowly scripted margins.  As we mature and flourish, we meet challenges and overcome them by utilizing those seemingly infallible problem-solving ways within those borders.  When they no longer work, we either dry up at the end of our course or rely on the strength of the current that flows within us to swell beyond our banks, pushing us into new territory and extending us past what we thought was possible.

Leading up to the conference, I was in pain because I lost my way.  I got caught up in the duties and plans of life and had forgotten my purpose.  I was out of energy because I was swimming upstream and back to what was once familiar to me.  I was drying up or flowing straight into the ground.  Only by letting go and letting God determine my direction am I able to travel the natural path he has set forth for me, towards something bigger and for His glory.  He is the current that guides me downstream, changes me, and gives me direction even in the storms.  However, familiarity with Him is what allows me to recognize Him and to know where He is even in the midst of a raging squall.  As Sheila recounted God’s message to her, “You are more than you know because I am more than you can imagine.”

On the path of faith, there is no need to bury anything and there is no reason to swim upstream.  Although His ways are not conventional, they are what we are called to.  On His path, His love dulls the daggers of disappointment and deceit, the shanks of shame, the anvils of anger, the guillotine of guilt, and the priapism of pain.  Running to His arms for respite is where we find the comfort of peace and the courage to continue.  The spirit led me downstream to that conference because it was exactly what I needed to address those things I had repressed.

And so now I ask you: What storms are brewing in your life?  What path are you on?  What are you seeking? Are you pursuing your purpose?  Have you lost your way?  What are you burying?  Are you willing to follow the flow into unchartered territory to those uncomfortable places of unfamiliarity?  Where is your faith leading you?

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.  So if you are feeling uncomfortable right now, know that the change taking place in your life is a beginning, not an ending.”  (Neal Donald Walsh)  12-14 I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made.  But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me.  Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus.  I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back. – Philippians 3:12-14 MSG

 

2 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in essay

July 19, 2014

Life Comes at You Fast

By valencia68

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  (Isaiah 41:10 NIV)

To gain an understanding of program implementation in the region, I visited clinics that serve poor and indigent populations.  The storm from earlier in the week had knocked out the power. The dim overheated conditions made a tough environment more challenging for the medical staff.  Through it all, I quickly learned that electricity had no relationship to the end of in-utero development.  The situation also told me that the physical necessities for supporting life are far more basic than I previously understood.

Having the choice between viewing a Power Point presentation on the post education training for midwives or seeing its effects in action, I chose the more experiential activity.  When I entered the 85 degree room, I noticed that my breakfast was still largely undigested as the culinary medley began trampolining towards my esophagus.  That precise moment was filled with the second taste of my last meal, the scents of an unplanned delivery, the sounds of un-medicated labor, the sensation of rising body heat unaffected by natural cooling agents, and the sight of the miracle of life happening before me.  When the sensory overload did not conquer my consciousness, I knew that lessons of a lifetime would imminently present themselves.  I knew I had to pay vigilant attention or I might miss something.

Like a two year old at a three-ring circus, I didn’t know where to concentrate; on mom, the midwife, or the miracle?  I originally chose mom.  In my estimation, as someone laboring as hard as she was, my focus and attention should be directed towards her.  Not knowing what else to do, I wiped the sweat off her forehead and held her hand.  I began praying for her physical comfort, emotional peace, and spiritual well-being.  A moment or two into my prayers, I felt overwhelmingly conflicted because I was not observing anything related to my reason for being there.

I immediately turned my attention to the midwife and her mentor.  I could not make sense of the conversation they were having with mom.  My translation of what they were saying was follow, follow; right, right.  After a few seconds, I gave up and just watched what they were doing.  They were in a perpetual state of talking, checking, and guiding mom; less to the end of labor but more to the commencement of life.  Before I knew it, the crown of the baby’s head presented itself.  Then her blue face, turned down and slightly to the right, immerged with her lifeline entangled around her neck.  With cool composure, the midwife checked its tension and then rotated the baby girl out of the noose.  Within seconds, she fully immerged and was placed on mom’s chest.  Instantly, she began breathing while others in the room held their breath until she cried.  As if startled by the rude awakening of the realities of the world, she yelled.  As if released from the grips of anticipation, we sighed.  And the celebration of the miracle of life began.  Reflecting on the first two children ever born, I prayed that the baby would follow in the ways of Abel and bring forth her best to God.

Witnessing this event corroborated the fact that God’s creation is the practice that happens every moment of every day.  Conversely, evolution is merely a man-made theory that never made it to the concept phase.  I then praised Him as the Prince of Peace He is: “You are Lord of Lords.  You are King of Kings.  You are mighty God, Lord of everything.  You’re Emmanuel.  You’re the great “I AM”.  You’re my Prince of Peace who is the Lamb.  You’re the living God.  You’re my saving grace.  You will reign forever.  You are Ancient of days.  You are Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End.  You’re my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer and friend.  You’re my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for You.”  (Michael W. Smith – You Are Holy)

A little while later, I was off to the next clinic.  Much like the first one, it was a 900 square foot building, sub-divided into a 12-bed recovery room, a two-bed delivery room, an examination room, and a small waiting area.  No sooner than I walked in and was greeted by the hosts, the theory of midwifery again gave way to its practical application.  Seemingly, God patiently waited for me to arrive to witness yet another miracle of life.  Instead of asking Him what I missed the first time, I dawned another paper gown, walked into the dark room, and stood by mom’s side.  This time, I began the experience with a spirit of thanksgiving and an energy of compassion.  Having the only idol hand in the room, I held a flashlight to provide illumination.  Within five minutes, a baby boy crowned, immerged, and cried.  After two births in four hours, I felt like I was well on my way to serendipitously becoming a skilled birth attendant.  After basking in the thought, my heart drifted into song, “I will sing to and worship the King who is worthy.  I will love and adore Him and I will bow down before Him.  And I will sing to and worship the King who is worthy; and I will love and adore Him and I will bow down before Him.  You’re my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for You.”  (Michael W. Smith – You Are Holy)

As if writing it on the tablet of my mind for me to always have, with His unique cadence, He said, “There were several messages you missed.  I know you were too caught up in all that was happening the first time to be able to take it all in.  So here is what you overlooked:

  1. The needs of my people are great.  Lend a helping hand whenever you can.
  2. You are personification of My light.  Shine bright so that others may see Me.
  3. No matter how far out of your element you are, you always have something to give.
  4. There is always more to My plan than meets the eye.
  5. Don’t let your sight blind you.  Sometimes your heart is how you see.
  6. Much is required from those to whom much is given, for their responsibility is greater. (Luke 12:48 TLB)”

To watch the miracle of birth confirmed that God is the thought leader in life.  We are merely students, given the responsibility to learn and teach that we are all His creation, made in His image, guided by His light, delivered through His grace, nurtured with His forgiveness, with an eternal seat in His kingdom.

The experience taught me that our destiny is directly related to God’s assurance that He is always with us and He hears us when we call.  No matter how unsophisticated the child, how small the need, or how humble the provisions, it takes divine capacity to deliver the miracles that support life.  I now know that with God,

  • Serendipitous does not mean unplanned
  • Unfamiliar does not mean foreign
  • Bearing down does not instill fear
  • Cutting the cord does not mean pushing away
  • Crying does not mean anguish
  • Simple does not mean primitive
  • Cramped quarters does not mean uncomfortable
  • Minor role does not mean negligible impact

13 You alone created my inner being.  You knitted me together inside my mother.  14 I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made.  Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.  15 My bones were not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, when I was being skillfully woven in an underground workshop.  16 Your eyes saw me when I was only a fetus.  Every day of my life was recorded in your book before one of them had taken place.  (Psalm 139:13-16)

4 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , | posted in essay

July 16, 2014

Subtle Algebraic

By valencia68

2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them.  3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery.  They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.  5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women.  Now what do you say?”  6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.  But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.  7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.  9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.  10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they?  Has no one condemned you?”  11 “No one, sir,” she said.  “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared.  “Go now and leave your life of sin.”  (John 8:2-11 NIV)

The dreary skies outside have placed me in a musing mood.  Finding no reason to drive my thoughts towards some specified result, instead I am contemplating the diverse experiences I have had over the past week.  A few days ago I awakened at 4:15am, two minutes after sunrise, to the emergency alert on my phone screeching words I could not understand.  After I walked across the room and tried in vain to shut the sound off, I quickly learned what the alert was for.  The ground beneath me shook and the world outside of my window swayed back and forth for several seconds, and then again.  I thought, “Ah, earthquake!  Got it.”  Who knew I would learn something new from the effeminately delivered, subtle-toned linguistics known as jishin or ground shake?

Over the past 48 hours, all of my plans have been cancelled because a signal II Typhoon is gaining strength as it barrels across the entire region.  A few days earlier when I arrived here, I had the opportunity to spend the day with a long time resident as well as a short-term visitor like me.  It was a thought-provoking day, mostly spent at a local market where pleasant vendors worked extremely hard to sell their name brand look-alike accessories.  Interestingly, all of the vendors had tremendous feminine qualities; some innate, others inchoate.  As I understood the reality of the situation, I felt a little flush as my bigotry meter began to peg.  I thought, “Oh boy!  Why is this happening?  I thought I had worked through this and learned that kindness and respect are entitlements for all of His children.”  Suddenly, in a soft voice, God said, “Honey, replace your tension with My love.  No matter what doctrine dictates, you and I both know what you are here for.  Loving one or two at a time is how you make a difference.  Live what you have learned and authentically show Me to them.  Remember your favorite scene from the movie the Great Debaters?

Q. Who is the judge?            A.  The judge is God.

Q. Why is he God?                A.  Because he decides whether I win or lose, not my opponent.

Q. Who is your opponent?  A.  He doesn’t exist.

Q. Why does he not exist?   A.  Because he is just a mere dissenting voice to the truth I speak.

Now, don’t think about it; go be about it!  Be My love and show them the kindness they need.  Their choice in gender identity has nothing to do with you but your choice to be cold versus kind has everything to do with you.  The truth is that all of My people need love.  Yes, many of these guys are far more effeminately dressed than you will ever be.  But, stay focused and live out what I have called you to do.  Cold-heartedness is a personification of that dissenting voice.  The apprehension you are feeling is nothing more than molecular foolishness.  I have given you enough wisdom to overcome it.  Now, let go and let’s love.”

As I relaxed and engaged, I found the vendors to be extremely warm and nice.  The kindness I received from all of them was far greater than what I had the capacity to give.  I realized that I, like everyone else, grow with heart-felt positive human connection.  I then smiled because I entered the engagement believing that I was there to give.  I left understanding that I was the one in need and He saw to it that I received.  No amount of meanness, judgment, or other types of negativity would have caused a positive Godly outcome with the vendors.  I could have demonstrated my disapproval by leaving but I wasn’t in the market for what they were selling anyway.  However, my friends were.

I must have had a strange expression and been shaking my head as we were leaving the market because my shopping mates asked me what I was thinking about.  When I said, “it seems as though the difference in the weather experiences is a metaphor for the wisdom gained by being open to the lessons different people bring”, they gave me a bizarre look and began shaking their heads.

The experiences made me appreciate that there is a Master who has a plan.  The boxes labeled value or no value that we place people in have no real worth for anyone.  To the extent that categories are in any way appropriate, we are all a figurative series of binomials – ones and zeros whose sequence and interaction in this world have profound but well-designed meaning.  Where one represents light and zero represents shadow, we can find shade even on the summer solstice.  In this instance, it is all a matter of how and where He positions us.  Where one is black and zero is white, remember that black is a culmination, not devoid, of all colors and white is the baseline from which color starts.  In this instance, it is a matter of how open we are to seeing His lessons.  Where one is pure and zero is adulterated, life begins and then it happens.  In this instance, it is all a matter of how widely and deeply we are willing to feel those around us.  Where one is linear and zero is circular, each represents paths that all of us have taken.  In this instance, it is a matter of how we experience the world around us.  The lines and circle have infinite positions; many are neither good nor bad.  We each have both.  When life deals us a poor position, obscured vision, arrested feelings, or rotten experiences, we can choose to walk with Him and be a ray of His light to others.  When we work together in His name and remain positive, good things can happen.  He is the expert for turning tragedy into triumph.

Regardless of the circumstances, we have a requirement to ask Him what He would have us do today and then complete our mission.  By doing so, we have the potential to add to the sum total of humanity.  He has a knack for renaming the odd ones unique, multiplying the remaining negative products in an even way, and creating positive exponents.  It is not our calling to join the ranks of the malicious and mean-spirited.  Those who do, join the gang that tries to subtract from others.  Fortunately, they never gain the ability to divide them.  Their efforts simply underestimate the power of the elevated number because they focus on the zero and completely miss what is in front of it.  In this context, they miss The One – Yes, Him, 10 to the power of 10.  “When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance.”  Joel Osteen

4 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in essay

July 4, 2014

Let Freedom Ring

By valencia68

Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17 – NIV)

Yesterday was a long day.  I started it overseas on a mechanically delayed flight, only to arrive in the US at the onslaught of a downpour.  As I was transiting through the airport, everything continued to slow down – the immigration procession, the luggage delivery to the baggage carousel, the customs queue, the baggage re-check station, and of course the security line.  When I arrived at my connecting gate, I learned that there was yet another flight delay caused by a category 2 hurricane surging along the eastern seaboard.  Hours later, we boarded the aircraft, only to be off-loaded because the flight was cancelled.  Throughout the 10-hour day that had been riddled with delay after delay after delay, I had lots of built-in time and opportunities to be His light and illuminate paths to Him for others.  In many moments I beamed, but in a two instances, I may have casted shadows.  As I remembered my sarcastic responses to lack of clarity for information provided by various airport employees, I felt a lesson larger than patience coming on.  But when the message did not readily come to me, I pressed on.

Realizing that the sun would set, rise again, and set a second time before I would arrive back home, I understood that God had used the day as a metaphor to get me to figuratively and literally slow down and reflect on why I do what I do.  But I still wrestled with understanding the kernel of what He was asking me to think about or learn.  As my head continued to pound from an unaddressed migraine, His desire for my comprehension hit me like a ton of bricks – it’s the reason or purpose for what I do, not the task of work itself.  Then in baritone He said, “As My child, your job is to pursue what you do in the service of others with excellence.  This whole inspiration thing is a requirement, not an option, according to the gifts that have been given to you.  Pay it forward, as you are in this moment and place only because of the blood, sweat, and tears of those who came before you.  Remember the blood of my son, the sweat of Booker T. and the tears of your mother?  I set this earth into motion, built this nation, and gave you good health and an education.  Because of it, you have freedom of motion, freedom of choice, and freedom in Christ.  It is complementary to you but was bought and paid for with a high price.  Now get up and get ’er done!  I know you have a headache.  You don’t think they did too?  The difference is I have given you the resources to obtain a remedy.  You have simply chosen not to reach for relief.  Now, let’s go!”

My mouth and my feet had stopped moving but the cannons in my head continued to volley and thunder.  I begged my presence of mind not to abandon me as I regained my bearings, found a newspaper kiosk, purchased headache medicine, and took it dry.  Within a few seconds, I had better clarity of thought and was humbled as this song came to mind:  Light of the world, You stepped down into darkness.  Open my eyes, let me see beauty that made this heart adore You; Hope of a life spent with You.  King of all days, oh, so highly exalted; glorious in heaven above.  Humbly You came to the earth You created; all for love’s sake became poor.  And here I am to worship.  Here I am to bow down.  Here I am to say that You’re my God.  You’re altogether lovely; altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me.  I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.  And I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross.  (Chris Tomlin – Here I Am to Worship)

I got rebooked on another flight and made it to a hotel.  As I laid in bed on the eve of America’s birthday trying to exit the cognitive labyrinth I found myself in, I landed on what initially seemed to be this simple solution: In His name and for His gain, lovingly make friends and influence people.  However upon further reflection, I thought: Simple? Not so much!  How?  Clearly He is asking me to alter, even if ever so slightly, my current direction or orientation.  The more I mused, the more entangled in the maze I became; like a helpless swimmer trapped in a whirlpool beneath a great waterfall, tossed and turned in a billion-gallon agitating vortex.  Feeling my mental vertigo, the spirit gently approached me and said, “Listen!  He knows how your mind races.  That is why He wanted you to slow down.  Relax!  Here is what He is saying:  Tomorrow is your nation’s birthday.  On that day, remember that many before you were called to spread His good will.  Follow in their footsteps.  As you enjoy the celebrations and fireworks, know that He wants you to approach every second of everyday with the zeal to love the people next to you.  The global approach begins with a single soul.  The each one teach one concept will spread the good news like wildfire, if everyone does their part.  But it begins with you.”

My contemplations on the experience have me here:

  1. We are all soldiers on this battlefield.
  2. It takes each one executing mission for all to hear His bells of freedom ringing.
  3. He takes no prisoners as true liberty is found by asking to be in Him.

Our celebrations of independence are an admission of interdependence with the rest of humanity and our total dependence on Him.  We are highly valued and have great worth.  But untold tariffs, fees, fares, and tolls were paid as necessary sacrifices for deliverance.  Yes, the echoes of emancipation are expensive.  Fight for them because their significance is enormous.  But remember that love is the only true answer to autonomy.  Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people he chose for his inheritance.  (Psalm 33:12 – NIV)

Our God demonstrates everyday what is written at our most memorable port of entry :  “Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, with conquering limbs astride from land to land; here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand a mighty woman with a torch, whose flame is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles.  From her beacon-hand glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command the air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.  Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she with silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore.  Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”  Let us honor Him and our glorious nation as is called for in Galatians 5:1, 7-10, and 13-15, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery…7You were running a good race.  Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?  8That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.  9‘A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.’  10I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view.  The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty…13You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.  14For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  15If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.”  Live strong, fight on, let freedom ring and have a happy 4th of July.

2 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in essay

July 2, 2014

Where is God?

By valencia68

Suffering is a part of the human condition. Hope is a virtue necessary for survival. To have hope, one must have faith – in something. For many of us, faith in the good news of the gospel is what we grew up with and what we crawl back to in times of suffering. Perhaps we were heavily churched and always in a relationship with Christ. Maybe we knew of Him, were on the edge of discovering Him, the verge of knowing Him, or the fringe of a relationship with Him. Perhaps we deliberately left Him in defiance or in search of ourselves only to discover that since we were made in His image, finding our true selves is completely dependent on communing with Him. Whether it was our desire to alleviate the emptiness found in the foxhole of overindulgence, the anguish ignited by the wars of jealousy and oppression, or our realization that God’s good living is better than the best of our own ways, we are with Him now. Our faith in Him gives us hope for a great today and a better tomorrow. We all go through this thing called suffering and are typically better for it on the other side. Three years ago to the day, my sanity slowly slipped away; not rooted, I fell into the gray; an in-between, unfamiliar place. I was floating. Uncertain, yet not so unaware; the answers were begging to be shared; everything reflected everywhere; and I was blinded by the glare. Misread, misunderstood. Welcome to the human race! The starting line appeared without warning. The gun was shot, but the sound was much too faint. Now I, I’m in the human race. (Janna Audey – Human Race)

I heard two stories of suffering this week that touched my heart to its core. One was of an unforgettable boy who lived in an always forgotten spot up in the darkest cut in the deepest, most backwoods part of the hood. The other was of a memorable boy who lived in a beautiful home in a prominent suburb with all of the amenities one could desire. The two are stories of innocence lost in tragic events that changed the trajectory of both of their 3-year old lives. Faith makes me believe that there will be hope for the future in the first instance and belief in God’s faithfulness to His people that hope is alive in the second case.

The first story is that of a little boy who lived in a local inner city multi-family block of buildings – a place riddled with aggression, violence and gang activity. The complex is so negatively intense that pestilence, misery, brutality and savagery are pillars so strong that they can be felt like static electricity in the air. There is a one-way descend in and a one-way climb back out. On approach to the entrance, the sensory overload of screaming voices, slamming doors, drug-scented air, gun fire in the distance, and rodents rustling amongst the masses, can be overwhelming. Yet inside, infants and toddlers crawl and amble through the fierceness of these forces; sometimes cared for, other times not even noticed. Sometimes the sounds of their innocence (crying) disturb the hostility masquerading as peace simply because there is sixty seconds of silence. A little boy passed away. His cause of death was blunt force trauma and his body was found in a nearby dumpster. A father figure member of his household is allegedly being sought for questioning. Where was God that night?

The second was the story of a little boy who was enjoying the company of extended family on a sunny summer weekend in the comforts of his beautiful suburban home. The accidental spill of gasoline in a utility room and his relative’s attempt to clean it up without noticing that there was a gas powered hot water heater nearby, caused an explosion. The fire that followed shorted out the house’s electrical system and trapped his relative inside. Although his father was able to move him to safety, the little boy watched him break windows with his bear arms in futile attempts to save the relative’s life. When his father finally reached their relative, it was too late. The boy not only lost an intimate loved one but was also left to hold his father’s sopping crimson-colored fileted arms together until emergency personnel could arrive. Where was God that day?

Matt Redman’s lyrical version of Job 1:21 gives us guidance during those times: Blessed be Your name. When the sun’s shining down on me; when the world’s ‘all as it should be, blessed be Your name. Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering. Though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be Your name. Every blessing You pour out, I’ll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed be Your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed be Your glorious name. You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name (Blessed be the Name of the Lord).

Where was God in the life-altering experiences of these two boys? I do not have the answers to what He was doing or why, but I believe that both events were always a part of His plan to pursue His lost people and bring them back into a relationship with Him. He was there – with the knowledge that the anguish suffered was not eternal, but the life given as a result would be. Although very difficult to understand, in the squalor as well as the sunshine, these two boys were counted worthy by Him to serve a heavenly purpose. While one’s innocent soul has been lifted up and is permanently residing with the Father, the other has become a Godly man who is living out the gospel through his ministry of music with his earthly father. Grant it, God did not cause this wretchedness and despair to occur, but he did allow it to happen in furtherance of His kingdom and will use it for the good of mankind. In the book of Job, Job questioned God about why He put him through so many difficulties and hard times. God listened to Job for a while and then reminded him that He is God and there is a plan. As Job heard God, he understood and repented. God – “Why do you confuse the issue? Why do you talk without knowing what you’re talking about? Pull yourself together, Job! Up on your feet! Stand tall! ‘Can you catch the eye of the beautiful Pleiades sisters, or distract Orion from his hunt? Can you get Venus to look your way, or get the Great Bear and her cubs to come out and play? Do you know the first thing about the sky’s constellations and how they affect things on Earth?” Job – “I’m convinced: You can do anything and everything. Nothing and no one can upset your plans. You asked, ‘Who is this muddying the water, ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?’ I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me, made small talk about wonders way over my head. You told me, ‘Listen, and let me do the talking. Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.’ I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears! I’m sorry—forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise!  I’ll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor.” (Job 38:2-3, 31-33 & 42:1-6 – MSG)

My reflection on the two events has me here:
1. To be hurt is to be human
2. Suffering is all around us
3. Sometimes the most innocent are the hardest hit
4. Through tragedies come great triumphs
5. Regardless of the circumstances, God is always there.

The experiences of these two boys unfortunately are not too uncommon. Some events are notorious while others are not deemed news worthy. As believers, we are summoned to be fishers of men who were called to make a difference. Whether we teach the first boy’s villagers how to pray, or we take a few minutes to pray for the ministry of the second, action isn’t optional. We are all in this together, hand in hand, as He called us to be; to bring the good news that builds faith, instills hope and fosters the belief that He is with us and will never forsake us. “Knelt down by the Oceanside, contemplating death and life; Connected to the man by my side; knew little of the thoughts in my mind, reached in and touched the waves. The baton was handed to me. And no one’s ahead of me, yet I’m not alone in this race…(Human Race)

Leave a comment   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in essay