Tag Archives: Fear

September 28, 2014

GenPop

By valencia68

Matthew chapter 14 tells us the story of Peter walking on water.  In verses 29-30, the scripture tells us, “29 Jesus said, ‘Come!’  So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. 30 But when he noticed how strong the wind was, he became afraid and started to sink.  He shouted, ‘Lord, save me!’” (GW)  In the beginning, Peter had great courage as verse 29 says, “Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus.” (MSG)  When first called, Peter was strong.  Without hesitation, he left his place of security to do what he was called to do.  But the conditions he found himself in (the rough seas and high winds) made him doubt that he could do the very thing he was already doing.  He then lost his nerve and began to sink.

Peter’s experience is very similar to many of ours.  We begin exploring our calling with great intentions and strong convictions.  We then let fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) get a grip on us and cause us to do less than we are capable of or called to do.  We allow anxiety and uncertainty to destroy the promise God has given.  One could question how different things would have been if Peter had beaten back the flame of fear with the fan of faith.  There is no need to ask what if because Peter was not much different from us.

This weekend, I had the privilege of attending a professional baseball game and watching a team that has made the playoffs.  I was extremely fortunate to have received the scarce and in-demand tickets as a gift.  I did not pay attention to the section or seat numbers on the tickets when I received them.  My offspring and I enthusiastically entered the stadium, glanced at the seat numbers, and realized they were in an area we had not ever paid attention to.  We found our way around to the other side and settled into our seats in the sold out stadium.  I then went and stood in long lines for food and beverages.  I wasn’t able to return to my seat until the bottom of the second inning.  Agitated and sulking, I was resolved not to move again.

For those around me, the excitement of the post season prospects created a vim and vigor as well as a corresponding static electricity in the air.  The positive energy was accompanied by the enhanced acoustics of the crowd’s continuous roar.  I realized that part of my anxiety was because I was with a larger, louder crowd, in a more confined space.  I was not in a VIP section, on the lower level behind home plate or along the third base line.  I was up high, under the scoreboard, facing the sun, directly in front of a bar filled with game-goers with libation-induced lowered inhibitions.  I realized I was with the general population.

Christ died on the cross so that the general population, not just the high priests, could have access to the Father.  His ransom for our salvation extended God’s grace to everyone and ended the need for sacrificial offerings.  His redemptive death was the great access equalizer and Holier than Thou eliminator.  Those who had more or could do more did not have a place closer to the Father.  Everyone’s access point to God is now the same, through the Son.  All people now have the same requirement – to take up your cross daily and follow Him, starting strong and finishing hard.

On the morning of the game, I spent time with God, praying and listening to Him.  I left the house feeling strong and full of faith.  Like Peter, I leaped out there to do what I was called to do.  Likewise, I got distracted by an unfamiliar environment and became anxious because it felt different.  For two innings I was unable to be His positive energy or enjoy the privilege He bestowed upon me.  He was patient with me during that time.  But suddenly, in the sweet voice that is only His, Jesus said, “Hello!  I sent you here to be my light, yet in this moment you are a dim bulb.  Ditch the funk and let’s get back to My business.  I want you to be that curious, outgoing, fun-loving child I designed you to be.  Move about the people, smiling at them and talking to them, bringing them My joy.  Games are play time and social events that allow you to be My ambassador.  I got you free tickets.  Now make them worth your while.”

I bowed my head in thanksgiving and then got up to refill my child’s empty drink cup.  While in line, I had the chance to hold an infant for a father who was struggling to tie shoes and place orders for his other three boys who were all under 5 years of age.  As the crowd roared because the home team scored, I sang into the infant’s ear: “I hope you never lose your sense of wonder; you get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger.  May you never take one single breath for granted; GOD forbid love ever leaves you empty handed.  I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.  Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens.  Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance….I hope you dance.  I Hope You Dance – Gladys Knight

After returning to my seat, reflecting on Peter’s experience, and Jesus’ message to me, I realized this:

  1. Heaven has no VIP section
  2. Access to Him is not limited to affluence
  3. On earth as it is in heaven, He loves all of His children the same
  4. General population is where faith is built, the gospel is preached, and souls are saved
  5. There is no space for exclusion in His kingdom
  6. His followers are not fans cheering from the stands. They are fearlessly on the field every day.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance; never settle for the path of least resistance.  Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’.  Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’.  Don’t let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter.  When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider.  Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

Remain strong.  Answer your calling without hesitation.  Circumstances may change but the love of The Lord remains the same.  What fear is causing you to sink today?  Are you walking faithfully towards Jesus?  What earthly things are causing exclusivity in your life?  Does the general population of His lost children make you nervous?  Recapture the fearless faith of your first calling.  Reach higher, go farther, and dig deeper to plant seeds, fertilize ground, and collect the harvest that he has placed you here for.  Your passion and resilience are powerful and compelling to those who are seeking the love of our Lord.

30 But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink (MSG).  Be audacious and daring, especially among the masses.  Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along.  Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.  I hope you dance….I hope you dance.

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June 6, 2014

Let It Go!

By valencia68

As I sat in the garden, relishing the peace and serenity of the petite private grounds, amidst the conical wooded backdrop, I learned something.  I was in a place endowed with the beauty of ever-ripening mulberries, dangling from soft leaf-filled branches, when I felt something.  I was enjoying the subtle fragrances of lavender, mint, and rosemary when I smelled something.  I was watching the splendor of the color-bursts from the trumpeting pansies, while the squirrels took brunch from the branches, when I saw something.  I was listening to the orchestra of avian voices, in concert in the background, when I heard something.  God awakened my senses and I realized that this is Canaan – the land of milk and honey.  Where ever I am today, I have nothing to fear here because He is with me and His spirit is in me.  The treasures He has for me are mine for the taking.

This sixty seconds of breathtaking and vibrant change of perspective on the life He has given me is one of the many treasures he stored up for me.  My purpose today is to love His people through the virtues of justice and peace.  In this moment, my power is influencing others; my gifting is inspiring them; my pain is fear and my weakness is speed.  However, when I slow down, we connect.  When I encourage and guide, He transforms hearts.  When I am fearless, bold, and courageous, miraculous things happen in His kingdom.  Romans 8:15-17 says, “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life.  It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”  God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are.  We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children.  And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance!  We go through exactly what Christ goes through.  If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!”  This scripture gives us the confidence to move out on the certainty of His promises in pursuit of our purpose without reservation or fear.

As I have been on this quest to understand the correlation between pain, power, weakness, and gifting, I have engaged in a lot of introspection.  There have been moments when I sensed great movement and others when I felt helplessly stuck – confined, restrained, even imprisoned.  My jailer’s name is fear and he is my most formidable enemy.  Everyday, my captor tries to unbraid my nerve and rattle my faith.  Thankfully, he cannot touch my essence.  My spirit has remained strong and my courage must persist, intact, to allow me to serve my master fully.  In Mighty to Save, Hillsong United says, “Everyone needs compassion.  A love that’s never-failing, let mercy fall on me.  Well, everyone needs forgiveness; the kindness of a Savior; the hope of nations…  So take me as You find me, all my fears and failures.  Fill my life again.  I give my life to follow everything I believe in.  I surrender…I surrender.”

My reflections on this made me assess what motivates me to give less than my all in every circumstance.  I realized the times when I hold back are because of avoidance of these emotions:

  1. Shame – fear of disconnection
  2. Embarrassment – fear of judgment
  3. Afraid – fear of danger
  4. Humiliation – fear of torment
  5. Defensiveness – fear of punishment
  6. Anger – fear of the needless
  7. Jealousy – fear of inadequacy
  8. Timorous – fear of failure

I realized that it is impossible to inspire and love His people and administer justice and peace as I am called to do when I have a spirit of fear.  I am not perfect and will mess up time and time again.  Pressing on in spite of the hurts, setbacks, and disappointments is what He asks of me.  Making the most of my talents is my direction while authentically embracing the other mortals around me.  Most of all, I am required to release the enemy among us – this spirit called fear. Just let it go and be me!  Casting Crowns says, “Is there anyone that fails?  Is there anyone that falls?  Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small?  ‘Cause when I take a look around everybody seems so strong.  I know they’ll soon discover that I don’t belong.  So I tuck it all away, like every thing’s okay.  If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too.  So, with a painted grin, I play the part again; so, everyone will see me the way that I see them…  Is there anyone who’s been there?  Are there any hands to raise?  Am I the only one who’s traded in the altar for a stage?  The performance is convincing and we know every line by heart.  Only when no one is watching can we really fall apart.  But would it set me free if I dared to let you see the truth behind the person that you imagine me to be?  Would your arms be open?  Or would you walk away?  Would the love of Jesus be enough to make you stay?” – Stained Glass Masquerade.  God goes to work when we admit we are weak.  Christ is always in us and the spirit is always with us.  Therefore, we have nothing to fear; least of all those we are called to love.

2 Timothy 1:6-7 says, “6 This being so, I want to remind you to stir into flame the strength and boldness that is in you, that entered into you when I laid my hands upon your head and blessed you.  7 For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them.”

Look, listen, and feel – the squirrels flit about, the birds sing, the herbs disburse their scent, the efflorescent hues erupt from the floral arrangements on the small plot the Lord has lent.  Recognize them as His gifts.  Act – when you step out into the world today, put on your armor of courage and live this day fearlessly.  The captor’s shackles have been loosened.  His pessimistic voice has been silenced. Flex your muscles.  Be brave.  Go!  Run like the wind and try to outpace a speeding bullet.  You may not win the race but may discover a specialized use for metal or lead in the process.  Try to lasso the power of a barreling locomotive.  The rope may fall but maybe you will harness energy that provides electricity to the Serengeti. Try to leap small buildings in a single bound.  Perhaps the prosthetics you invent on the rebound will be legs for those who don’t have them.

We are free.  Only our jailer remains behind bars.  Smile, laugh, connect, inspire, influence, and love.  Holding back is no longer an option.  Your treasures are here and now, with so much more to come.  Pursue your purpose fearlessly!  As for fear itself, let it go. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

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June 1, 2014

The Bold and Beautiful

By valencia68

If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads. – Anatole France

Over the holiday weekend, I attended a woman’s conference.  Something I learned is that the original Webster’s dictionary defined beautiful as the quality present when one’s purpose is understood.  For the past six weeks I have been on a quest to better understand how to unpack the following purpose-focused principle: “A person’s greatest place of pain is their greatest place of power and their area of weakness is their area of gifting.”  The biblical information in several of the sessions helped to shed carnival-style floodlight illumination into the dark spaces that contain my treasures along the path to discovering my purpose.  Because of this journey, I am beginning to wear the label beautiful.

My biggest takeaways from the conference were that amazing, powerful, and moving things happen when 1400 women gather in His name; be bold; and be the love for those around you.  Experiencing the exchanges of love between this large group of strangers brought me here:

Love has no natural enemy; we allow fear of rejection to become Love’s kryptonite. Love withheld is self-hate.  Love shared is multiplied. Love repressed is deceitful.  Love expressed is pure joy. Love’s touch is a hug.  Love’s tenderness is a kiss. Love rejected is depression.  Love explored is an adventure.  Love structured is a cell block.  Love is free and so it flows. Love with obedience is bold.  Love without action is defeat.  Love laden with doubt is fear.  Love like Christ is pure trust and acceptance. “For the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers.  The truth – that Love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire.  Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.” – Viktor E. Frankl

The experience of the conference was as challenging as it was stimulating and liberating.  After musing on the messages, combing through the cascades of thoughts, and sorting through the signs and signals provided by my guides and teachers, I came to the realization that: the wonders of my future are connected to the experiences of my past; bridging the chasms between the two requires a reset of my defaults for habits and reactions that no longer serve me well; fear is the only thing that can prevent me from getting there; being beautiful is only one step of boldness away; and love is the center of it all.  Said another way, the treasures of my purpose will be revealed if I use prayerfulness, gratitude and love to release fear of the future and shame from the past.

People have struggled with this forever.  The Israelites are prime examples.  We all know they spent many years in the desert on a journey from bondage in Egypt to the Promised Land.  But fear turned a two year journey into a forty year trip.  Instead of parents with newborns (who escaped slavery in Egypt) arriving in Canaan with their toddlers, they arrived with their great-grand children.  Fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) caused them first to wonder about the truth God revealed and then to wander away from the riches He had in store for them.

In Numbers 13 (VOICE), the scripture tells us: “There is dissension in the camp.  Some of the leaders have been sharing their doubts with the people, and folks are nervous.  The thrill of this wilderness camping experience has worn off, and some are thinking that working for the Egyptians wasn’t so bad.  So barely two years out of Egypt, the Israelites are standing at the door of their promised land.  Moses needs to motivate the people, and he selects 12 key men from each of the tribes to explore the land of abundance God has provided.  The nation stands to enter into a time of great reward, but first their leaders must bring back a report that will inspire their confidence.”  Specifically: “1 The Lord said to Moses ‘Choose one of the leaders from each of the twelve tribes and send them as spies to explore the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the Israelites.’” Later it says: “27 We checked out the land, just as you’d instructed us to do, and here’s what we discovered: It is rich, very rich. One could say that it flows with milk and honey; and look, here is some of its fruit.  The land is highly desirable, 28but the people who already live there are really strong.  Their cities are enormous and fortified.  What’s more, we saw the Anakites there.  29 In the Negev, there are Amalekites; and in the high hill country are Hittites, Jebusites, and Amorites.  As for the seacoast, Canaanites live there and along the Jordan River too. 30 But Caleb calmed the congregation, and he spoke to Moses.  Caleb: We should go straight in, right away, and take it over.  We are surely able!  Other Scouts: 31No way.  We can’t do it.  The people who are already there are too strong for us.  32So the report of these other scouts was quite disheartening; it made the people question God’s promise.”

Fear created doubt which made the Israelites weak.  It caused them to endure the pain associated with remaining in the desert.  Consequently, their treasures, the Promised Land, were not available to them for another 38 years.  They eventually saw the truth on the banks of the Jordan River three generations later; the same truth that gave Caleb courage decades earlier back in Number 13.  Fast forward a few decades and Joshua 1:1-3 says, “1 After the death of the Lord’s servant Moses, the Lord spoke to Moses’ helper, Joshua son of Nun.2 He said, My servant Moses is dead. Get ready now, you and all the people of Israel, and cross the Jordan River into the land that I am giving them.  3 As I told Moses, I have given you and all my people the entire land that you will be marching over.” (GNT)  Only then did the Israelites wade through the darkness of the desert to arrive into the light of the Promised Land.

The story made me question this: What treasures have eluded me because of doubt or fear?  What areas of my life am I holding back because of insecurity?  How many years have I been held captive by the anxiety of past pain?  How many times am I going to pass up God’s promises because of worry or apprehension – when He has led me to the doorstep of greater things, if only I wrap my heart and mind around the confidence and assurances that come with being a child swaddled in the cradle of His love?

My thoughts on the matter have reminded me of these truths:

  1. The power of prayer will help us to heal the pains of our past.
  2. A spirit of fear is our greatest weakness.
  3. Embrace our struggles because they built our strength.
  4. Boldness is an act of obedience which leads to being beautiful.
  5. Love is our greatest gift.

In Beautiful Things, Gungor tells us: “All this pain, I wonder if I’ll ever find my way?  I wonder if my life could really change at all?  All this earth; could all that is lost ever be found?  Could a garden come up from this ground at all?  All around hope is springing up from this old ground.  Out of chaos life is being found in You.  You make beautiful things…”

Hey beautiful!  Go, be bold.  Step out there.  Pursue your purpose.  Lose the shackles of doubt and fear.  Be free.  His promises are at your feet.  Leave your pain and weaknesses in the desert.  They were your experiences but they do not define you.  Use your power and strength to take what has been set aside for you.  Your gifts await you.  But you must show courage to get them the first time around.  His love will get you there if you simply see it for the truth that it is.

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May 26, 2014

To The Limit

By valencia68

“Often the very things that you think have disqualified you are the ones that qualify you to do what God has called you to do”. – Christine Caine

John the Baptist understood that personal peril is sometimes the price paid for doing the right thing.  Matthew 14 tells us a story of the then ruler of Galilee who married his brother’s wife.  John courageously stood up to the ruler and told him about the inappropriateness of the marriage to his brother’s wife.  The ruler jailed John for speaking the truth and later had John beheaded as a trade-off in a game of pawns.  However, John was confident and resolute in the face of difficulty and danger.  He was “all in”, beating down the flame of fear with the fan of faith, even in the most daunting situations.  David Foster tells us in Through The Fire, “Through the fire, to the limit, to the wall…I’d gladly risk it all.  Through the fire, through whatever, come what may…I’d take it all the way; Right down to the wire, even through the fire.”

John the Baptist had a unique way about him.  The bible describes him as wearing camels’ hair with a leather belt and living off of locusts and wild honey.  The bible does not speak to any special training John had to qualify him to do the incredible things he did.  But his off-the-beaten-path approach made him extremely resourceful and gave him an understanding that with God, focus, and discipline, anything is possible.  He was all in and in it to win it.

A few years ago, I was vacationing in a coastal city near the Pacific Ocean with some friends.  One of my friends had mobility issues but was unwilling to be deterred from full participation in all activities.  One afternoon, we set off on a snorkeling trip.  I was simply tagging along with the group as I had no desire to snorkel.  With a floatation device I was okay in the water, but I had only taken a few swimming lessons and was not a good swimmer.  We set out on a 40 ft vessel with several other passengers.  Our boat pulled into a very narrow lane with several other boats to off-load the swimmers and snorkelers.  I felt a bit uneasy because there was too much going on in a highly congested area; too many swimmers and too many boats in too small of an area in very choppy water.

All passengers, except me and a guy, got off the boat and into the water.  After a few minutes, a voice told me to put my equipment on and get into the water.  At first I hesitated because I could not discern if it was the Spirit or my ego talking to me.  Eventually, in an act of obedience, I sat on the bottom step of the ladder, put everything on and got into the water.  It took a few seconds to settle my nerves.  I then adjusted my mask and stuck my face in the water to see any marine life beneath me.  There wasn’t anything swimming below me.  I thought, “okay…I have been tricked by my ego into entering these crowded waters.  Thankfully I am only a few feet from the boat.  I am done.”  As I took my now fogged-up mask off to find the stairs to the boat, I noticed that there was something wrong with my mobility-impaired friend.  Without a second thought, I put my mask back on, stuck my head in the water, and kicked as hard as I could until I reached her.  By then, she was panicked.  She had a sense of  loss of control as she was being battered by the waves and was swallowing too much water.

When I reached her, I tried to make her feel a little bit more secure by turning her towards me, wrapping my legs around her, and taking her mask off so she could see me.  Whatever sanity she had left was then surrendered to full-bore panic.  At that moment, she began to fight me.  She then pulled away from me, floundered and flailed under a catamaran, and grabbed hold of the chain on its lowered anchor.  I put my face back in the water and kicked towards her until I reached her again.  I began to ask her what was wrong.  Whatever she was yelling at me was immediately muffled by the roar of the catamaran’s engine being turned on.  I took off my fogged-up mask, I guess to stare death in its eyes.  Instead, I saw the chain of the boat’s anchor begin to rise with my friend attached to it.  I called out to God and surrendered.  I admitted that I was in way over my head.  I committed to accepting His will, following His guidance, and never quitting.

He led me to grab her waist and then to climb up her back, with the hopes that the pressure of my weight would drop us from the chain.  When it didn’t, I wrapped my legs around her ever-rising body and rocked back until we fell.  I then laid on my back with my arm around my friend’s neck and kicked as hard as I could to exit from the front underside of the catamaran.  I then yelled the names of the others in our party and told them to call for help as I held my listless friend.  Other swimmers immediately came to our rescue and summoned the help needed to get us back safely.

2 Timothy 1:7 tells us, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline”  Obedience has a hefty price but that doesn’t change that it is the right thing to do…and look at the difference it can make in someone’s life.  Obedience doesn’t require specialized skills.  But, it can place the least likely person in a position to help.  When we take God with us and we take a focused and disciplined approach to doing what he asks, He uses our uniqueness to make great things happen.  Remember, “The impossible is where God starts and miracles are what he does.” – Christine Caine

What are the difficulties in our circumstances that test our convictions?  Are we willing to be obedient at all cost?  Are we willing to let our faith take us through the fire, to the wall, to the limit?  Or will we be daunted by fear and hold back?  While it was faith that let Peter walk on water, his doubts about the limits of God caused him to sink.

Chris Tomlin says it best in No Turning Back with, “This is my heart cry, though none go with me; the cross before me, the world behind me.  This is my anthem: my life for your fame.  My every move bring glory to your name.  I will follow you (I have decided, I have decided).  I will follow you (I have decided).  No turning back!  No turning back!!  No turning back!!!  No turning back!!!!”

The experience has brought me here:

  1. Panic can turn a terrible situation into a tragedy
  2. Faith brings clarity and breeds courage
  3. The impossible becomes the likely when God is in control
  4. Our all is not His limit

God has no limits to what He can do.  So take it to the limit and see what He will do with it!  “The mountains shake before Him; the demons run and flee at the mention of the name King of Majesty.  There is no power in hell or any who can stand before the power and the presence of the Great I am.  Hallelujah, Holy Holy, God almighty, Great I am.  Who is worthy, none beside Thee, God Almighty, Great I Am.”  Great I am – Phillips, Craig, and Dean

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