Tag Archives: Forgiveness

December 26, 2014

Full of Surprises

By valencia68

“God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.” C.S. Lewis

I met with a sister who is new to the area for tea the other day. We opened the lines of communication by learning a little about each other’s backgrounds. As she placed a few pieces of the puzzle of her life face up on the table, I began to recognize some of the name brand barricades in the backdrop.

Like all of us, she is a ball of yarn that will take time to unravel. She is colorful and flexible and is a critical thread in any fabric that is woven with her. Unfortunately, she doesn’t realize it. She sees the face of God from a distance but can’t feel His real proximity. She moves about on her path never observing the safety warning that says, “objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.” She toddles along believing that she has many miles beyond the horizon to go before she can reach her Lord and Savior and constantly collides with clearly marked obstructions called unforgiven, unloved, and undeserving. All creation cried out with longing, with groans only You could comprehend; and with wisdom, You always answer and give the words of life so unfailing. – The Way by Jeremy Camp

As we continued to talk, I learned we have a lot more in common than meets the eye. I learned we both gain our energy from within, we are both guilty of the sin of too much self-reliance, and that the nightmares of the ugliness of others still creep into our days. We find great comfort in concepts such as mission, battle rhythm, and stronghold. We push forward and are always willing to lead the way into unchartered territory – unless that exploration requires an examination of the dark places where our points of pain lay. Then it’s time to rip the cord out of the wall, stopping the music and the madness. We do that by repressing those ghosts of experiences past deep into closets we mistake as graves.

As I began to scratch the surface of the places that lead to her darkness, her eyes welled up with tears. We skirted near the shallow fields of a few more skeleton crypts and the daunted, dazed, disbelieving girl of years ago came screaming from the darkness of the past into the now. As she sat quietly, taking in everything the spirit was saying through me, I reminded her of a great lesson I learned from a mentor on my journey. It is “that which we repress comes back to the party in a different dress, just at a time and a place that is not convenient or of our choosing.” The good news is that treasures are hidden in dark places. If we rely on Him, He will lead us to our trove of prizes; our paragon full of surprises. John Chapter 1:1-5 (NIV) tells us, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” And Your glory shines all around us; Your faithfulness shown for all to see. When we think of all of Your wonders, the beauty of Your plan that’s been revealed, we walk in Your light. We walk in it. Shine bright. Let Your glory fill this land; lift high, the King of Kings and great I am. Jesus, You are the way

I shared some of the nastiness I used to hide behind a façade. We talked about a few bones that used to fly out of my closet as soon as the door cracked ever so slightly. We chatted about our pursuit of peace and quiet. We discussed our inner desires to be strong and others’ reliance on us to be the tie that binds the unit together. Her eyes locked onto mine as if to say, “you too?” As her eyes filled with tears again, there seemed to be a sigh of relief that came from our common connection. I shared that I learned the hard way that to truly be undaunted, unflappable, and unchained, I had to become vulnerable. I had to be willing to expose the nerve endings of my pain and the full extent of my weaknesses. Through that discomfort, He gave me the courage I needed to enter those dark places. He, The Light, illuminated my treasures. My power and gifting were then birthed through the womb of vulnerability. Through the journey, His brightness shone through the crevices of my weaknesses and pain. I also shared these three things I have learned in the process:

  1. He has forgiven me for all that I have done wrong.
  2. He loves me even with my breaks and cracks.
  3. He has taught me that His grace is His eternal gift to me without regard for what I deserve.

My reflection on my tea time has me here:

It is in my many moments of complete emptiness that God says, “Here I am…Walk with Me. Your strength comes from Me, and Me alone. If only you would take my hand, I will take you to heights beyond the farthest boundaries of your imagination. Hold back, and you will forever remain in the middle of this mess. I am full of surprises! Come with me so I may show you your treasures. I am The Light. If you stay with Me, there is no reason for you to ever be afraid of darkness.”

I am looking forward to exposing many more of my cracks to this sister in hopes that she will see His light shining through them. Until then, my prayer is that she becomes mindful that the cold canyon that contains the anguish, agony, and ache of tortured ghosts from experiences past, is best crossed on a bridge named vulnerability with a guide called God. She is a beautiful sister with unabridged potential. Her happiness is His truth. I can’t wait to see His greatness unleashed through her. Her treasures are there for the taking; full of wonder, amazement, and surprise. We can see the works of Your loving hands with a hope and peace not made by man. When You poured out Your grace and Your mercy and You held out Your arms so we could see You bled for all mankind and set the captives free.

“Simeon was there and took the child in his arms, praising God. ‘Lord,’ he said, ‘now I can die content! For I have seen him as you promised me I would. I have seen the Savior you have given to the world. He is the Light that will shine upon the nations, and he will be the glory of your people Israel!’” Luke 2:28-32 (TLB)

May you always be willing to ask for Him and take His hand. May His light always shine through you.  Come along side someone else and share your story. Be the love!

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December 7, 2014

Caught Up In The Moment

By valencia68

The last six weeks at work have been challenging as my observation of two and a half years’ worth of misguided movements came to a head.  Each step shifted the alignment of the organization off center, further and further away from its core mission.  I felt woefully inadequate as I was unable to cure the immediate hurts or address the over-arching cultural ailments.  I had been accustomed to working behind the scenes to reshuffle the pieces to almost any awry situation back to the center of the board.  By flipping switches and pulling levers, I could turn on the magnets that would draw people back between the bumpers.  As this situation continued to wobble further and further out of control, I leveraged every resource available to me to adjust the alignment back to center.  No matter how much strength I used or torque I created, I could not move the mountain.  My blood pressure then sky-rocketed, headaches ensued, and hope dissipated.  The Lord then said to me, “get somewhere and sit still!  To move mountains, you must have faith, you know, the size of a mustard seed.  I am not feeling faith.  I am witnessing you muster mortal strength in man’s world.  You are making a mockery of the miracle process.  I am responsible for those and simply sometimes use man as delivery vehicles.  As the devotional told you the other day, meet Me in the moment and leave outcomes to My Father.  Listen to the sage.  I sent her.  Calmly do these two things each day and leave the rest to Me:  Ask the Father what He would have you do today and work towards it with excellence.”

No words were rendered as no response was required.  I took a week of time off, went away, and did nothing but reflect on His guidance.  Each day I spent time with Him and I asked what He would have me do.  Everyday His answer was the same: love My people and see the wonders of My work.  And that is exactly what I did.  I engaged with as many people as I could and enjoyed the beauties of nature.  Five days after I returned to work, His glorious plan began to unfold.  The miracles of the Messiah moved the mountain.  He made a way for resolution to my plaguing problem and I am extremely thankful to Him.  As Lincoln Brewster tells us: Oh Lord, our Lord, how majestic is Your name in all the earth.  The heavens declare Your greatness.  The oceans cry out to You.  The mountains, they bow down before You.  So I’ll join with the earth and I’ll give my praise to You. – Majestic

The long, drawn-out difficult observation time that ended just before I took leave was chocked full of faith forewarnings for me.  Particularly, I had watched a high-ranking person determine that reaching the next rung on the ladder was worth everything and he was willing to do anything to get it.  In his haste to reach the next level, he failed to realize that anything received at any pace other than in God’s time can never bring fulfilment, but is merely an accelerant of spiritual degradation.  You see, “any cost” is the only price the devil is willing to pay and the moment we name that price is the second we sell our soul.  Every move from that point forward is a contorted turn or ill-conceived twist that leads to places of no return.  The intersection of greed and power is named Hubris Hill.  The crossroads of arrogance and opportunity is called Corruption Court.  “Corruption is like a ball of snow, once it’s set a rolling it must increase.” – Caleb Colton

At that point, anyone with half of the currency can now convince us to give the whole thing away, leaving us begging for borrowed time from hollowed hearts.  As the pace gets faster and the stakes get higher, we find ourselves over leveraging our diminishing worth while clinging to vacated promises backed by overdrawn credit. Suddenly, the suitors stop knocking and no one takes our calls.  It is then that we realize the time we spent perched in dark smoke-filled rooms sipping single malt scotch and savoring select cigars was likely in Lucifer’s Lounge.  We sat at the table listening to his lies while debating the Spirit’s voice in order to rationalize righteousness into a wicked situation.  By negotiating, we risked what we had to gain what we didn’t need.  We rolled the dice with the devil, the master of deception, and lost it all.  As two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time, neither can God and evil.  By dismissing the Spirit, we gave the devil a foot hole.  The hunt is now over and it’s time for the kill.  The wicked one has won!

Or has he?  He is jealous for me; loves like a hurricane.  I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy; when all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory.  And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me… And we are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes.  If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.  And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest.  I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us…Oh, how he loves us all.  He Loves Us – John McMillan

Just like us, God gave the ranking person worth and his value comes through Jesus Christ.  Through our relationship with Him and community with His people, a paved path to the foot of the cross is always beneath our feet.  To the extent that we lose our way, simply say, “Jesus, please help me!”  He is a loving Lord and an eager savior, longing for a relationship with His children.  We strengthen that relationship through worshiping only Him, loving His people, reading His word, and praying.  As Matt Redman reminds us, When the music fades, all is stripped away.  And I simply come longing just to bring something that’s of worth that will bless Your heart.  I’ll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself is not what You have required.  You search much deeper within, through the way things appear.  You’re looking into my heart.  I’m coming back to the heart of worship.  And it’s all about You.  It’s all about You, Jesus.  I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I’ve made it, when it’s all about You.  It’s all about You, Jesus – Heart of Worship.  If we simply remember that we cannot sell what we cannot earn, His grace will remain on the forefront of our minds, preventing us from placing our salvation in the showcase window of Hell’s pawn shop.  This life is about advancing His kingdom, not our selfish pleasures.

Now is a time for prayer and encouragement, not casting of stones.  As we have done so much for which we wish not to be judged, forgiveness is a large paving stone on the path to the foot of the cross.  We’ve all had the experience of being caught up in the moment.  Remember, character assassination kills more than just a reputation.  It massacres minds and slaughters souls.  The scars on His hands are reminders of our redemption, not reverberations of our self-righteousness.  Offer healing to the hurt and love to the lost by being fast to forgive.  We are His beacons who have been called to shine His light.  So beam brightly!

I pray fervently for the ranking official.  Lord, may his resignation resign him to Your ways.  May he raise his hands and heart to You to receive the blessings You have in store for him.  May he live the rest of his days gaining strength from time with You.  May we heal from the difficulties and offer forgiveness to our brother, remembering the experience as a shadow that casts shade on the dog-day decisions that we may one day face.  May pride never prevent us from calling Your great name long before our darkest hours – In Your son’s name, Amen.

Romans 12 tells us, 1-2 So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.  Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.  Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking.  Instead, fix your attention on God.  You’ll be changed from the inside out.  Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it.  Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.  (MSG)

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November 29, 2014

Full & Open

By valencia68

“The intention and outcome of vulnerability is trust, intimacy and connection.” – Brene Brown

The holidays are a festive time and known as the season of giving, filled with busyness in preparation for Christmas Day. The malls are packed and the internet is jammed because so many people are searching for items to wrap and present as the perfect surprise to those they love. Some blame the year-end gift giving on commercialism and consumerism, causing people to spend more than they have to obtain what they don’t need. Others have a different outlook but choose not to indulge that way, providing only baked goods or handmade crafts – gifts from the heart – to encourage the ones they love.

But…what about the offering of time and what about the rest of the year? The commentary in the Voice translation of 2 Corinthians tells us, “Giving away money is one of the hardest things believers do, especially when there are bills to pay and more expenses than income. However, helping others with their physical needs and not only their spiritual needs is a fundamental principle of Christian spirituality. Perhaps it would be easier to give our financial resources if we could turn away from our own continual consumption and live simpler lifestyles. Then there would be not only the willingness but also the ability to share God’s blessings with others.” Verses 6-15 say, “6 But I will say this to encourage your generosity: the one who plants little harvests little, and the one who plants plenty harvests plenty. 7 Giving grows out of the heart—otherwise, you’ve reluctantly grumbled “yes” because you felt you had to or because you couldn’t say “no,” but this isn’t the way God wants it. For we know that ‘God loves a cheerful giver.’ 8 God is ready to overwhelm you with more blessings than you could ever imagine so that you’ll always be taken care of in every way and you’ll have more than enough to share. 9 Remember what is written about the One who trusts in the Lord: He scattered abroad; He gave freely to the poor; His righteousness endures throughout the ages. 10 The same One who has put seed into the hands of the sower and brought bread to fill our stomachs will provide and multiply the resources you invest and produce an abundant harvest from your righteous actions. 11 You will be made rich in everything so that your generosity will spill over in every direction. Through us your generosity is at work inspiring praise and thanksgiving to God. 12 For this mission will do more than bring food and water to fellow believers in need—it will overflow in a cascade of praises and thanksgivings for our God. 13 When this mission reaches Jerusalem and meets with the approval of God’s people there, they will give glory to God because your confession of the gospel of the Anointed One led to obedient action and your generous sharing with them and with all exhibited your sincere concern. 14 Because of the extraordinary grace of God at work in you, they will pray for you and long for you. 15 Praise God for this incredible, unbelievable, indescribable gift!”

Our requirement to be vulnerable and give of ourselves (time and talents) as well as our possessions brings to us far more than we lose by giving them away. By putting ourselves out there and exposing our genuine nature, we experience the joys and pains that are ignited or covered by His grace, giving us the power of clarity to see His love and forgiveness and the hope that lets us live to tell about it. But this reward is endowed upon us only when we take time to give time. By doing so, we relish in the flavors and scents of His love while unwittingly relinquishing the burden of being too busy.

What time do we have to keep except the measure of the moment in our hand? Does the inertia of our motion undermine our authenticity, clarity, grace or power? Busy – “If yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift and that’s why they call it the present” – how can we have so much to do that we can’t unwrap the wonder of time that is before us? The scents of softness from a sleeping baby – hug her and feel the peace that she brings. The look of love in the eyes of a five-year old with outstretched arms – embrace what he is offering. The fog of confusion that the teen tweets about – be the light that burns it off and guide him to the path on the other side. The delight in disorder in the life of the young woman next to you – meet her for tea to talk about it. The father who is missing the enthusiasm necessary to enjoy his children – encourage him with a story of your positive experience with The Father. The wisdom of the soul whose arthritic hands once held you – sit for a while and listen; then say thank you. From the simplicity of the cradle to the complexity of the grave, God’s greatest gifts are those who appear with us in this moment. How dare we take a pass for the four letter expletive we call busy? Let’s establish a connection with them: showing them our authenticity through our willingness to be vulnerable; our clarity through the eyes of His ways; His grace through the power of non-judgment or forgiveness; our power through the telling of our stories of weakness – which allows us to be vulnerable; which leads to the foot of the cross (his ways); which reminds us that He died for our forgiveness; which tells the story of the weakness in our ways – which teaches us the value of authenticity…and the double helix continues in perpetuity.

As we experience this wonderful time of the year together, make your gift-giving decisions as it has been laid upon your heart to do. Just remember, credit is not our sacrifice, merely a matter of pure secular indebtedness. There are however, 364 other days in the year, four natural seasons, and ten thousand ways and opportunities to give to others. Time is of the essence as our charity only exists while we are alive. For when we die, what we bequeath is no longer sacrificial. As we move throughout this season at a pace that makes time for each other, let’s ask ourselves this: What have we given of our time and talents today? What will we give of our finances before sundown? Will we stop and acknowledge the presence of the next human being we encounter? Will we take a moment to smile at him and encourage her? Will we sincerely share the dark spots in our walk as we shine beyond the shadows? Will we spend the currency of a split second to show the love given to us on that destined day at Calvary? Do we trust enough in our intimacy with Him to reach out and connect with another now? “The moment someone asks you to do something you don’t have the time or inclination to do is fraught with vulnerability.” – Brene Brown

In Give Me Words to Speak, Aaron Shust says: Calloused and bruised, dazed and confused; my Spirit is left wanting something more than my selfish hopes and my selfish dreams.  I’m lying with my face down to the floor.  I’m crying out for more.  Give me words to speak.  Don’t let my Spirit sleep ‘cause I can’t think of anything worth saying, but I know that I owe You my life.  So give me words to speak.  Don’t let my Spirit sleep.  Every night, every day I find that I have nothing left to say.  So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance.  I’m wanting only Your voice to be heard.  Let them be Your Words…that follow the gifts of our giving to one another for His glory.  Be vulnerable!  Be open!!  Give the gift of your story!!! Be the love!!!!  Say it with me: IN HIS MIGHTY NAME, Amen

Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow – that’s vulnerability. – Brene Brown

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April 16, 2014

What Do You Expect?

By valencia68

So frequently, my friends make fun of me because I do not watch TV or listen to terrestrial radio.  Often, they ask me what I think about local news events.  I have to ask them to educate me on the event before I can provide a thoughtful response.  Occasionally, I look up breaking news on the internet only to be bombarded by accounts of humanity at its worse.  When I looked at online news accounts today, terrorism, civil war, overdose, cannibalism, and racism are terms in the top five headlines.  That level of negativity cannot possible yield positive outcomes.  So, I quickly exited out of the news site because I want more positive experiences than negative ones.  That level of doom and gloom is stressful and erodes hope.  These types of bad deeds may be the world’s reality, but they are not affirming or encouraging.  But I struggle because I want to remain relevant and relatable.  I know that awareness of current events is a way to get there, but in this world without rails, I quickly get lulled into believing the worst and expecting the least.

Titus 3:1-8 lays out the promises and expectations of a Christian walk.  It says, “1-2 Remind the people to respect the government and be law-abiding, always ready to lend a helping hand. No insults, no fights. God’s people should be bighearted and courteous. 3-8 It wasn’t so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by our glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back. But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, he saved us from all that. It was all his doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God’s gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives. And there’s more life to come—an eternity of life! You can count on this.” (Message)

So how does this play out in everyday life?  Many people encourage the elimination of expectations simply to avoid disappointment.  What is missed with that direction is the understanding that choosing to live without expectation creates a life without inspiration.  An unstimulated soul that cannot feel is lifeless.  So…when we are surrounded by the challenges of negativity, low expectations, and malicious ways, how do we seek His promises and live in His light?  The answer lies in prayer.  With everything, go to Him on bended knee.

Driving my usual route to work the other day, I entered the on ramp to an elevated highway.  I began to merge left towards fast-moving traffic into a clear lane.  Suddenly, a three-axel euro truck accelerated and not only closed the gap but also switched from the main lanes to the right hand merge lane while looking left.  I quickly accelerated ahead of the truck to avoid a collision with the truck and the guard rail on an elevated roadway.  I thought, “Wow!  That was close.  Good, no one was hurt.”  I continued on.  Soon thereafter, traffic slowed to a standstill.  I glanced into my right side view mirror and saw the euro truck slowly approaching in the adjacent lane.  I then felt the driver’s eyes peering at me.  I thought, “Seriously dude?  You were the one who failed to maintain a single lane of traffic back there and nearly ran me off the highway.  I moved on but you can’t let it go?”  The peering was persistent.  I finally looked over at the driver expecting to see an expletive hand gesture or some other road-rage induced, mean-spirited body language.  Much to my surprise, with a very sincere looking expression, the driver mouthed, “I am very sorry.”  I smiled, nodded at him, waved to him and gave him thumbs up.  He then smiled and mouthed, “Thanks!”  My heart then filled with joy because it was extremely obvious that God is always at work and the Spirit is alive.

Yes, the encounter touched my emotional epicenter.  At first, I was shocked that an experience I thought was going to be bad, turned out so good.  I then felt shame that I expected so little of my roadway neighbor.  I was sad that I took so long to acknowledge him when all he was seeking was an opportunity to apologize.  I was delighted that when he realized he was wrong, he took the time to make things right.  I was grateful that my forgiveness of him was instinctive.  I was thankful that he made time to make my day.  His humility humbled me.  As Criss Jami says, “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”  In all of his humanity, my trucker brother exposed himself to build me up.

The encounter left me with this:

  1. Expect the best from others
  2. Forgiveness liberates all parties
  3. Regardless of others’ actions, we are called into specific action
  4. Look for ways to be positive and helpful
  5. When we blow it, work hard to repair it

None of us are perfect.  There should be no expectation of perfection in ourselves or of each other.  Building 429 tells us in Press on, “I am a mess, I am a wrecking ball.  I must confess that I still don’t get it all.  Lord I believe that all Your words are true; Doesn’t matter where I’m going if I’m going with You.  I press on – When I still don’t get it.  Ephesians 4:1-3 says, “I beg you…to live and act in a way worthy of those who have been chosen for such wonderful blessings as these. 2 Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. 3 Try always to be led along together by the Holy Spirit and so be at peace with one another.” (The Voice)

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